Thursday, July 24, 2014

THURSDAY JONESYSCOPES

Thursday and Jonesy has your Horoscope hot off the grill with the hot hash!
Aries- Stop being a waste of oxygen and get Vigorous YESSSSSSSSSS
Taurus- You smell like manure and you whine too much and your mom has a wooden leg YESSSSSSSSSS
Gemini- Get to some unfuckin or impale yourself on a fence during a half moon YESSSSSSSSSS
Cancer- Your fucked just hope it ends quickly YESSSSSSSSSS
Leo- Pick up your pants and stand up straight and maybe you will stop life from sodomizing you YESSSSSSSSSS
Virgo- Wear bright yellow today or the bus driver will not see you and run you over YESSSSSSSSSS
Libra- You need to rub the urine of a menstruating manatee all over your body before the next full moon. Or you will catch AIDS and dandruff YESSSSSSSSSS.
Scorpio- Throw away your skinny jeans and become a vegan chain smoker or your first born will have flippers and color blind YESSSSSSSSSS. 
Sagittarius- Look at Aries YESSSSSSSSSS. 
Capricorn- Sacrifice a baby otter before the next half moon or you will become a useless member of society. Wait you already are shit you better find a tall building and jump YESSSSSSSSSS. 
Aquarius- Wear Old Spice and stop slackin YESSSSSSSSSS. 
Pisces- Cast away all useless bullshit or be banished to live on Staten Island which is worse then death YESSSSSSSSSS.
Personalized readings send me $200 dollars and Ill lay into real good! Warriors are not born they are made.~~~ JONESY