Wednesday, December 3, 2014

SWAMI YAMMA YAMMA JONESY'S HOROSCOPE

ARIES~ Stop whining you are a pussy grow a pair and get vigorous YESSSSSSSSSS
TAURUS~ Stop chewing on bullshit, reading bullshit, talking bullshit, smelling like bullshit and sodomizing yourself with bullshit YESSSSSSSSSS.
GEMINI~ Drink 12 Manhattan Specials and play Frogger on the belt parkway YESSSSSSSSSS. 
CANCER~ YOU ARE JUST FUCKED YESSSSSSSSSS
LEO~ I have a friend named Leo he owns a pizza joint on 3rd Ave in Bay Ridge. mention Jonesy and receive Mozzarella Enlightenment YESSSSSSSSSS.
VIRGO~ You are not gonna save the world so start unfucking yourself pronto YESSSSSSSSSS.
LIBRA~ Someone who is left handed and likes musicals will rufie you and steal your crossfit socks and I-phone YESSSSSSSSSS. 
SCORPIO~ Have sex with a obese woman with 70s bush and you will be granted 10 years good luck YESSSSSSSSSS. 
SAGITTARIUS~ You will win money playing a scratch off ticket today YESSSSSSSSSS. 
CAPRICORN~ Rub cream of corn and hot hash on yourself and you will feel MOIST YESSSSSSSSSS. 
AQUARIUS~ No one likes you. You really have no friends. You are alone in this world. You should just end it right now...........................Or you can watch Ernest Goes to Camp and eat a Baby Ruth and everything will be better! YESSSSSSSSSS.
PISCES~ Pray to Al Bundy and Archie Bunker. Drink some Cold Duck and head butt a whiner and all will be Vigorous YESSSSSSSSSS.