WHAT MAKES A MAN A FEMINIZED TAMPON CHEWER

~ You whine 
~ You are weak
~ You play Pokemon Go.
~ Not trained in violence.
~ Orders homo coffee drinks from starbucks.
~ Thanks god it's Friday. 
~ You watch reality TV.
~ You never played Saluggi.
~ You don't know what a roll of quarters is used for.
~ You never been punched in the face.
~ You sit on the subway.
~ You never drank out of a public water fountain.
~ Wear workout gloves.
~ You use hand sanitizer.
~ You own an Iphone. 
~ You wear Air Jordans.
~ You take the middle out of a bagel.
~ You order your steak well done.
~ You crossfit
~ You are perennially stuck in the friend zone.
~ You drink a Mojito.
~ You can't change a flat tire on your car.
~ You can't cook.
~ You do not want to be a positive figure in your children's life. 
~ You do not do any sort of strength training.
~ You don't know what bathroom to use.
~ Democrat 
~ You take more than an half hour to get ready to go out.
~ You actually paid money to see the new Ghostbusters. 
~ Yankee fan 
~ You live on Staten Island. 
~ You take pictures of your muscleless legs on the beach.
~ You have more double chins then you can do pullups.
~ You take pictures of yourself in a nail salon.
~ You wear pink. 
~ You take advice about being a man from a woman.
~ You do not like making phone calls.
~ You own a dog that fits into your purse.
~ Have never watched the movie The Warriors. 
~ You brunch
Stop Whining 
Unfuck Yourself 
Get Vigorous
~~~ JONESY VIGOROUS ~~~