Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Mystic Moist Jonesy has your horoscope for today. Not reading this you will automatically be struck my a Mister Softee truck and lose a pinky. As I gaze into a huge pile of steaming turds I send you this message. Horoscopes are bullshit and jive. The only sign I see is the universal sign of the whiner. Most of you fall under this sign. Does not matter what day your birthday falls on you are still a whiny useless individual. Its a full moon you still a slacker. Its a half moon your still a tampon chewer. The moon is red means you will have your period for 6 weeks. I see all and know all so heed my warning! Go out into the world and buy David Hasselhoffs greatest hits and eat an ostrich burger. Doing this will cleanse you and you day will be great. Personalized Jonesyscopes are available have your credit cards ready. I have no problem shaking down who wants to get shook down. Another day your alive and another chance to unfuck yourself YESSSSSSSSSS.~~~JONESY

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